Ghost Kingdoms
I first came across the idea of a ‘Ghost Kingdom’ in an episode of This Is Us (more here), brought to my attention through I’ll Let Myself In, the first book of Australian disability advocate and actor, Hannah Diviney (more here). Essentially, ghost kingdoms are imagined ‘what if’ scenarios. For example, Randall’s Ghost Kingdom in This is Us is; what if he’d remained with his birth family, who shared his race/ racial identity? For others, it could be, what if I didn’t have disability? Or, what if I wasn’t gay? In Wicked, the main character’s ghost kingdom is represented through song (here), which also describes how she imagines things might be different if she were less set apart from others.
Ghost kingdoms can come about when you feel out of place or set apart from others in some way, or like you don’t belong. This feeling can be pretty common among folks who belong to marginalised identities, particularly when their opportunities to connect with others who share their lived/ living experience are limited. There is nothing wrong with having a ghost kingdom, though it may be a reflection of other problems not the fault of individuals, like societies not always accessible, safe, inclusive or accepting. To my mind, a ghost kingdom in this sense is a yearning for acceptance and belonging. When you have meaningful connection with others with shared or similar lived/ living experience to you, the ache that can come along with a Ghost Kingdom likely lessens, at least a little.
Another kind of Ghost Kingdom is the kind a few may be feeling around the End of Year period particularly, which arises from yearning for ideal scenarios that you used to have but no longer do, or that you wish you did have. When your Christmas, for example, does not reflect the big happy celebrations filled with family as depicted by mass marketing of what Christmas maybe is ‘supposed to’ be. With this kind of ghost kingdom, I can’t help wondering how valid ‘should’ is. Maybe should is whatever you want Christmas, or whatever end of year/ holiday celebrations you have, to be. What do you like about the occasion? Could you make your own version of the occasion and incorporate your favourite things into it? Make it your own?
Ghost kingdoms of any kind can really sting, and, as sucky as that is, it’s also ok. The sting is there for a reason and it’s valid, just as your ghost kingdom exists for a reason and is valid. Part of the solution, I think, is to acknowledge, sit with and honour those feelings. They’re there for a reason, and they’re valid. And if ghost kingdoms represent an ideal, maybe another part of the answer is whether there’s anything we can take from them to bring into our reality, to make it a little closer to that ghost kingdom ideal.