Vulnerability & Vulnerability Hangovers
Vulnerability is the feeling of being exposed, physically and/or emotionally. Vulnerability can be super confronting, because vulnerability is hard. Vulnerability, generally, can come up when you have to share personal things about yourself. especially when you have to go deep into those personal things- such as to seek and receive help or support. Vulnerability is anything where you feel exposed and that isn’t necessarily easy, but takes a little courage. Vulnerability is a fairly universal experience, but perhaps a more frequent one for those of us who are marginalised, particularly visibly so. Vulnerability is hard, but it can also have positive impacts, like when deep sharing results in a strengthened connection with somebody else. Because of how personal and exposing vulnerability is, vulnerability is also;
brave/ courageous (a key reason that Courage is one of our organisational values).
confronting- this can occur for either the person being vulnerable, someone witnessing the vulnerability, or both
anxiety provoking/ scary
daring
Feelings of vulnerability may also act as a prompt to consider being vulnerable in a specific context- Is it safe to share with this person? How much?
As noted above, displays of vulnerability can sometimes also be confronting for others. I mention this because it’s something I have experienced, where my vulnerability has been confronting for someone else. This experience of someone else feeling confronted can be for a number of reasons, but usually has more to do with the other person and is for them to own and explore. Along with the concept of a vulnerability hangover (more on that soon), something else I was introduced to by American researcher/ storyteller (and one of my professional heroes) Brené Brown, is excerpts of a speech by American president Theodore Roosevelt (more here), which was also used to structure her book Daring Greatly. What sticks out to me most about Brené’s interpretation is the idea that feedback is not necessarily valid if the person giving feedback is not also ‘in the arena’- if they’re not also in it with us, or also trying to do the thing. In this way, if someone feels confronted by your vulnerability, but is not seeking to be vulnerable themselves, or shies away from it, any criticism of your vulnerability from them does not necessarily count, because they are not engaging with vulnerability like you are.
A vulnerability hangover is what can come after an instance of vulnerability. The concept of a vulnerability hangover was originally coined by American researcher/ storyteller Brené Brown (more here). A vulnerability hangover is the feeling of cringe, doubt and discomfort after a moment of vulnerability. It’s that thought in your head that goes something like ‘did I really just say that?‘ A vulnerability hangover is the aftemath of vulnerability- possibly our mind processing the instance of vulnerability. If/when a vulnerability hangover comes up for you, it’s important to acknowledge it’s there likely because you’ve been a little courageous and it’s important to take care of yourself as you ride out the wave.
If you’re interested in exploring this topic further, I’d recommend taking a look at the following resources as a starting point;