Embracing Empathy
Content warning- this post contains some non-detailed discussion of suicidal ideation. Please proceed with caution and reach out for support if you need to.
Empathy, the ability to understand someone else’s perspective, is best illustrated through this sketch narrated by American researcher/ storyteller, Brené Brown. Part of Brené’s explanation of empathy is how inherent vulnerability is to empathy, because of the requirement to connect with an experience of your own that may be similar to the other person’s experience. This aspect of empathy, for me, helps me connect with two characters on a deeper level; Will from Me Before You, and Jake from Avatar.
Will and Me Before You are particularly controversial in the disability community, because many believe the story is promoting the idea that a disabled life is not worth living. But what I see in this story is that a disabled life is not worth living to Will, particularly when there appears to be the possibility of life on a ventilator. As someone who was born with my disability, I have never known any different. But in Me Before You, Will’s disability is one acquired following a road accident. Before that accident, Will lived without disability and was incredibly active and adventurous, qualities which are no longer possible in the same way with his disability. In the story, Will wants the life and ability he had before, not the one he has now, and he certainly doesn’t want to live on a ventilator. I can understand that. Sometimes, I wish the effects of my disability didn’t make things harder. I imagine most disabled people have these feelings at times. I think the difference for Will is that he’s stuck in the comparison of what he no longer has next to the life now, nowhere near. This life, for him, is not worth it.
Empathy is sometimes also referred to as perspective taking. By contrast to Will, consider the perspective of David Holmes, who acquired disability through an on-set stunt accident (more here). What stands out to me is that unlike Will, David has been able to, with time, take on a new perspective and find new purpose and light after acquiring disability. As highlighted in David’s talk, the hardships and challenges of his experiences are not erased by this perspective, but looking for little glimpses of light, searching for different perspectives to take, can ease the impact of these struggles. Searching for and taking on a new perspective, and embracing empathy, are choices. Hard, confronting at times, but a choice that everyone can make for themselves.
Secondly, Jake from Avatar. Jake is a disabled ex-marine who is given the opportunity to inhabit the non-disabled avatar body of a different kind of species, Na’vi. There are some powerful scenes where you see Jake in his Na’vi avatar relishing the thrill of simply running, something he hasn’t been able to do in a long time, if ever. I can imagine what that would feel like, to regain an ability or experience something you haven’t been able to for a long time, or to get to do something you thought you never would. It’d be similar, I imagine, to the rush I get when I discover something new I didn’t realise or think I could do before.
In this way, empathy can also be imagining what an experience might be like for someone, sometimes by relating it back to a similar experience of your own or connecting it back to the emotion that lies beneath. That can be uncomfortable at times, and it’s also a little where vulnerability comes in. But the discomfort is there for a reason- if that’s just from imagining a scenario and what it might be like for someone, how must it be for the person who actually has to live it? When it’s really embraced, this is the power that empathy can have. This is something that can be important for our allies, to help bolster their understanding of what life can sometimes be like for us- the hardships, the triumphs and everything in between. So please, make the choice to embrace empathy, and all that comes with it.